Talor and I met years ago in high school. She has been one of the most ambitious of the bunch and it’s been amazing seeing her grow into the women she is today.
When she reached out to me, she knew my situation. I am a single mom. My mother and her husband didn’t support me in my situation and I was doing my pregnancy and my birth alone.
My baby was planned. I was engaged living in a beautiful city with my cat and dog and felt like I had it all together. I thought I knew the direction of my life yet unfortunate circumstances led me to decide to take on this journey alone.
I had no idea how intense the experience was until I was in it, and I was happy to have her.
Leading up to my birth, she educated me on my rights. I had no idea what went into giving birth and how sometimes the mother’s wishes aren’t granted. When you are in labor, you can hardly think of anything else but the pain so one of her roles was to be a advocate.
Talor was also my support system and checked on my emotional health as well. During our first FaceTime, I broke down in tears because the stress of doing pregnancy alone finally caught up to me. It was relieving that someone in my life decided to take on this journey with me and become part of my village. Even if you have a partner or a mother to be by your side, a Doula can still benefit you because sometimes our family do not have the capability to understand what to do in these intense circumstances (and that’s okay). A doula is trained to be kind, understand your emotional state, become your advocate and support you and your family the entire way.
Before birth we had scheduled meetings where she educated me on my rights, the types of ways and positions to give birth, and what my body would go through. We also went over the ways doctors could intervene. However they suggest to intervene, we can always have a choice on what they do. This education was helpful by the time I went into labor, because I understood what the doctors had to do in the emergency and maybe it would have been more frightening if I didn’t know what they meant.
By the time my birth was active, I let her know. My baby came almost 3 weeks early so it was a surprise to all of us. My support team consisted of Talor, my Aunt and Grandma. I was in labor for about 24 hours! I went into labor around 12:00am on October 17th and didn’t have him until 11:25pm on October 17th.
My labor was intense. I’m sure all labors are intense and I know some go longer then mine, but the pain was unbearable. Me personally, I wanted to have a hospital birth. I have nothing against home births but it was just something I felt more comfortable with. Talor and I went over what I wanted and didn’t beforehand but my labor didn’t go as planned.
When I first tried to admit myself, they confirmed I was in labor but I wasn’t dilated and sent me home. I tired to sleep when I got home but the pain was so bad and I started getting consistent contraction so I had my aunt drive me to the hospital again. The second time I tried to admit myself, my dilation didn’t change. I was in so much pain and my contractions were getting closer and closer. I was so frustrated that my body wasn’t doing what it needed to do.
I made a point of how much pain I was in for them to admit me this second time and which they finally did after my many complaints. We got a room at 8pm and at this point, I was screaming between each contraction. I was exhausted being in so much pain and having hardly any progress with my dilation.
*Talor took this picture of me and my aunt
They doctor intervened with the epidural finally. Some people don’t want to get this, and I respect your decision. The ladies who do want to get it, it’s the best drug I’ve ever tried and I highly recommend. Pain was gone within minutes of getting it and I was finally calm after almost 24 hours of pain.
Now that I got the epidural, my contractions were about a minute apart I could sense the birth approaching and my anxiety kicked in. That was so much pain, how much am I going to continue to experience?
Again, I wasn’t dilated enough so my doctor used a ballon to try and dilate me more. My water never broke, so they broke my water too. Then, after almost 24 hours of labor we realized the baby was in distress. How could he not? He was in labor with me for almost an entire day at this point.
The doctors eyes look worried although her overall demeanor was calm. She suggested a C-section. At this point, I went from 1cm to 7cm in dilation finally, so I had an option. To push through a normal labor or get a C-section. Even thought the doctor highly recommended and was implying we were going to do a C-section, I’m letting you know that even in these moments you have a right to say no.
Do what feels right for you but for me I rather them cut me open with a scar then to put my baby through any more stress. I could tell if I tried giving birth the natural way, there was a chance he wasn’t going to make it. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened so I let her do the surgery.
If I had it my way, I would have wanted to hold my baby right after birth and immediately do skin to skin. Since my arms were so numb from the pain meds, once they pulled him out I had my aunt hold him after birth. Even though I didn’t get that experience, I knew he was loved by my aunt and I was going to get a lifetime with my baby.
Talor’s roll in all of this was to guide me through my pain. She brought me a giant ball to bounce on, she brought essential oils to help calm me down, she brought other gadgets to help me through the pain but the ones mentioned are the ones that worked for me the most. She gave my aunt a break when my aunt wanted to eat, so I was never alone during labor. My aunt and her took turns holding my hand through the contractions and gave me encouraging statements that made me laugh. When it came time for my C-section, she asked me if that’s what I wanted. When she felt comfortable I wasn’t being persuaded by doctors she knew that this was in fact what I thought was best. I felt supported in this moment, and I will forever be grateful for her being apart of this experience and not letting me go through it alone.
Talor describes her roll as a well rounded support system. Her support goes beyond the mother giving birth, her goal is to be there for the family when they need help too. She started her doula journey after she was diagnosed with PCOS. During this process she studied her body and women’s anatomy to understanding and has a deeper respect of what it means to be a women. She values birth and sees it as a magical experience that should be celebrated and nourished. In her time studying this she saw the need for more support during this process. This doesn’t mean our family isn’t “good enough” , it’s like a doctor right . A doctor spends their entire adult life studying how to be a doctor. She studied women, the birthing process, how to be a proper support system and guides women and family through this experience. This is why we bring professionals in our lives. They are passionate about what they do and made it their life’s mission to be there for you during processes they studied.
My family and I are grateful for Talor and I couldn’t have had a better support system. I highly recommend checking out her site and recommend her to anyone you know who is having a baby soon.
Thank you Talor we love you! Xoxo
and contact here here